Where I’m At: September 2018

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Photo by Fabio Neo Amato on Unsplash

It’s an ominous day – it has rained for almost forty consecutive hours where I live, and we’re fearing a massive flood. I haven’t left the house all day and have no intention to. I wrote on Twitter today that I feel like a reckoning is coming; I believe that it will come at any moment.

The past few months have marked several changes, good and bad. I’ve grown personally and professionally, but have also fallen back into some old, unhealthy habits. I feel constantly sick, sleepy, and like there are not enough hours in the day, days in the week, and weeks ticking until I hit an age where, as a woman, I’ll be too old to be attractive, successful, anything. I feel pressured.

I survived a flood once. I was eight years old, and my mother drove us down to the YMCA for my swimming lessons. The rain came swiftly; we watched through the window-lined lobby as water belched out of the sewers, rising past the tires of mom’s car. We eventually left the YMCA; I cannot remember why, but I think the staff wanted everyone to evacuate. Soaking wet and without an umbrella, mom walked me and my brother the mile or so home. She held our hands tightly, and we looked back just once, to see our car beginning to float.

Mom received her car back from the neighborhood mechanic a few weeks later. The upholstery was still wet and the car reeked of sewage. We never drove in it again.

A few minutes ago, I walked to my apartment window and looked out at my car. The sewer grates are bubbling with a bit of running water, but it hasn’t gotten bad yet. I do not know what to expect. At this point, all I can do is wait.

This month may see two book reviews and a magical girl show review on this blog. I may also discuss my new freelance work plans. I may not. At this point, all I can do is go where this month takes me.

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